Shoulding is a colloquial term derived from the verb "should" and is often used in an informal context to describe the act of imposing expectations, obligations, or moral judgments on oneself or others. It refers to the tendency to believe that certain actions, behaviors, or outcomes are necessary, preferred, or required, causing one to feel pressured or guilty if those expectations are not met.
When someone engages in shoulding, they are constrained by a rigid set of rules or beliefs about what they or others ought to do or be. This can relate to various aspects of life, including personal goals, relationships, career choices, or societal norms. Shoulding often originates from societal standards, cultural norms, or personal values that have been internalized.
However, shoulding can have negative effects on individuals' mental well-being and self-esteem. It can generate feelings of guilt, shame, and self-doubt when one falls short of their own or others' expectations. Moreover, shoulding can hinder personal growth and autonomy, as it limits individuals' ability to explore and define their own desires and priorities.
To overcome shoulding, it is important to develop self-awareness, challenge limiting beliefs, and foster self-compassion. By recognizing and questioning the "shoulds" that shape their thoughts and actions, individuals can strive for a more authentic and empowered approach to decision-making and goal-setting.
